Thursday, 11 June 2015

Being Stood Up

My dating stories and tales are a couple months old now as I had passed them around my office before deciding to put them into a blog for all to laugh at. One of my wonderful and talented colleagues has her own blog over at She approached me about writing a guest post for her. I really wanted to, but felt I had nothing very self contained to write about... until I was stood up.

The original post can be found here. For those not wanting to click, here is my post in all it's glory with the guys name changed so that it follows on from the last update...

I have been a user of the online dating world for a while, but I would say I have only been working at the dating game for a little over a year now.

I call it a work as that’s how it feels a lot of the time. In my work we often have to meet with clients in social situations, and you plaster that smile on your face and make engaging conversation with them, asking smart and interesting questions and answering their questions revealing enough about yourself to seem warm and friendly but not divulging too much personal information. If you are anything like me then during the whole time this is going on you are probably craving your warm bed and a nice cup of tea while watching a bit of TV.

This however is a necessity of dating. Going out and meeting the people you have been engaging with online, I believe, is a must. There may be no chemistry –  what appeared to be a dry sarcastic sense of humour online could just be someone’s weird view of the world. The meet up is one of the most important parts of the dating process.

During my time online dating I have been stood up twice. Since I can’t let anything drop, I have managed to find our out reasons from both men for why they decided to wimp out of meeting with me. Personally I find it rude to let someone get dolled up and then not meet them. I would (and always have) just plastered on my work smile and walked in the door!

The first time I was stood up was the first time I ever arranged to meet someone from a dating site. We had been talking for about 8 weeks (I know, so long) and as nervous as I was, I suggested meeting. We had never exchanged numbers as he had lost his phone on the bus and we were primarily using email to communicate. We agreed to meet at the museum one Saturday and walk and talk while looking at all the museum stuff. That morning we changed the meeting time slightly to work with bus times and I set off to my first dating app date. I sat in the museum on my own under the fancy clock for an hour before deciding that he was not coming.

The upside to this story was that my best friend turned up at my flat later in the evening with half a stone of curry in tow (yes we weighed it) and we feasted and drank wine until the sting of being stood up diminished.

I am like a dog with a bone. I don’t like to let something like this go. I sent a couple of emails asking why he stood me up, was it something to do with me? After 3 days of silence he replied telling me that he had sent me a picture of himself from a few years ago, and since then he had gained some weight (about 100lbs) and could not face turning up not looking like the picture he sent. To be fair, now I have seen his after picture I’m not sure I would have recognised him even if he had come up and stood in front of me. He looked very different.

I managed to score full attendance for a few years, both good and bad dates, before being stood up yet again. My streak was broken a few weeks ago when I found myself turning up just to head home.
I am not long out of a relationship and I have been feeling this strange mix of wise and vulnerable. I feel I know so much more than I did way back when and most of the nervousness I felt in meeting guys for a drink is gone. 

When I started talking to Stu online I decided that the faster we met, the better and so made plans to catch up a few days later. We were to meet on a Friday night, but after mutual grueling days at work, we both agreed to move to a Sunday night. There was plenty of texting during the weekend and even a confirmation of his attendance.

On to the bus I jump, spending my £1.50, and into the pub I glide. I was a few minutes early so plan to grab a drink and find a good seat. As I do so, my phone beeps to deliver the message that my date for the evening will not be joining me.

If I have entered the venue already it counts as being stood up! I was so annoyed that not only was having to turn around to walk home, I had wasted bus fare and good hair.

Boys… If you’re going to cancel, give us at least an hours notice. I hate putting make up on and getting dolled up on a Sunday night if the only person I will be seeing is the bus driver! Even better – just be a man and don’t cancel at all?!

The reason I was given for stand up number 2 was that he was too scared to meet me as he had come out of a long-term relationship a year ago. A YEAR AGO!! Yep guys dating IS scary. Put on your big boy pants and get on with it. Life is not going to wait for you.

Also you owe me £1.50!

These are my stand up tales. I’m not letting it put  me off, I will just try to avoid a fool and meet up when I truly feel something great might happen.

An excuse is just that. Too scared, too different – who cares?! The real truth of the matter is that you’re just too rude… and so not worth it.

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