Monday, 1 February 2016

The Evolution of a Fling to a Non-Relationship

I have been blocked recently trying to write about the 2 bad dates I went on in the Autumn. These were not good dates and there were amusing stories from both. I mean one of the dates bought the same socks as the Pope and the other talked about how much his mum hated his ex. The problem is that I'm finding it difficult to think about other guys at the moment. Matt is pretty much all I can think of, which is kind of sickening. We are beginning to spend more and more time together.

There was a fun moment where we were having a drunken conversation (as you do!) and Matt announced that he was not looking for either a relationship or a girlfriend. This was quickly followed up with him declaring that he didn't think I was looking for that either, so it would work out well. In my drunken state I did what I always do, I agreed. What a dope!! Really I am looking for a relationship, that's the whole point in going on dates and trying to find someone whose life fits with mine. I'm apparently not very good at speaking up and expressing my feelings!

This all coincided with a life changing moment, where I had a wonderful weekend relaxing with Matt, playing video games and chatting. At one point my dad and brother even stopped by, and even with a few hours notice, Matt decided to stay and meet them instead of clearing out before they arrived. The weekend then ended in a massive crash when I thought about going back to work the next day. The stress I felt at knowing I would be walking back into the office the next day and back to all of the daily drama meant that I spent about an hour crying and then the rest of the evening feeling sick to my stomach. I decided then and there that I had to leave my current job.

So now I have a non relationship relationship, and no permanent employment. Matt did agree to let me drive him to the airport before his Bali holiday and we had a very (VERY) good farewell kiss at the dropoff. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think about all of this? Was the lift just convenient since I was not working? What I am sure about, is that all the Friends with Benefits rules have been thrown out of the window! We're not in Kansas anymore!!
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