Thursday, 26 November 2015

The Accidental Date and the 11 Month Apology

I have one incident in my dating life which I am not proud of. I think enough time has passed that I have made peace with it and now I’m ready to share, the story of “The Accidental Date and the 11 Month Apology.”

In March 2014 ish I started talking to Pete on OKCupid. 

This could be what Pete looks like in a few years

Very quickly the conversation was easy, flowing and we were getting on well. As usual with people you talk to online, it took us a little while to agree to meet up. Well you don’t want to rush into it and get murdered!! I was totally up for meeting, but Pete was a little hesitant. At this time I had also been going on a few dates with a bartender called Frank. Frank had charmed me by saying he'd noticed me previously in the bar and thought I was funny, that was all it took for me to say yes to a couple of dull dates! The fact I never noticed the man giving me booze should have set the alarm bells ringing!

Pete and I were talking fairly regularly and had actually agreed to meet up, but Pete decided on the day of meeting that he was not ready. Typical girl I am I thought it was me and something that I had said to this funny and sweet man to run. Oh how I would learn that, most likely, it had nothing to do with me! I was a little crushed as he was really funny and I liked him.

However enter Rick, the man who would go on to be my boyfriend for the next 9 months. Pete and I would send the occasional “yo, what’s up with you?” message, but no long conversations. That is until the run up to his birthday, or our birthdays. A funny coincidence is that Pete and I have our birthdays a day apart from each other, finally someone’s birthday I won’t forget!

So come December last year (birthday time) we picked up talking again. Not to dwell on it, but at this point I was unhappy in my relationship with Rick. I welcomed the distraction and Pete and I chatted like no time had passed. Catching up on what we were up to and me venting about my current situation. Rick took me out for a meal for my birthday and then he told me that he was going home as the sky man was going to be coming over the next morning and he wanted to tidy! Well happy birthday to me.

I ended up venting all of this, and the fact I was alone on my birthday evening, over messages to Pete. Exactly what I needed was someone to listen to me and the nicest thing was that Pete was happy to listen to me and give advice. We decided that it was probably easier for me to vent if we met for a cup of coffee. This to me seemed harmless as I meet lots of people for cups of coffee (I love coffee). We met and talked and a couple of hours passed. It was about this time that I realised we were actually on a date and I was having a great time.

None the less I was accidentally on a date while in a relationship with someone else. Also I was enjoying the little moments when my leg would bump his hand and then resting it there, and I spent a long time thinking about kissing him. This was the tipping point for me and about the time when I decided I had to end my relationship with Rick. And then I did, the following evening. Pete and I continued to talk about everything the evening of the accidental date and arranged to meet again properly for a real date after I was single.

A couple of days later I lost touch with Pete. Not because we were busy, I was making time to message in the days leading up to Christmas, but because Pete decided to just stop responding to my messages. There was no gentle let down, it was very flirty messages just after the accidental date and then nothing. I would get the odd one word answer and then silence.

A couple of weeks later I started my serial dating and Daisy and I had to keep tabs on the men in a table with scores and comments. I was hurt how cold it was, but I’d not invested much time into Pete, not like some of the guys I've met up with, months and months of talking and then no chemistry, but to just cut me off pissed me off!

The beauty of then going out on 3 dates in a week means you bounce back hard and I got over it quickly with no grudges held. I honestly hoped he had found whatever he had been looking for as he was a lovely guy who was not ready for my sassy. And that was that, not a peep... until yesterday!!

I'm happy with what I have with Matt at the moment, however as he keeps telling me that he is not looking for a relationship I keep my OKCupid account active, compromise!! This means that I still get the occasional email notification pop up to tell me someone is looking at my profile or likes me. Well wouldn't you know it, someone with Pete’s username was looking at my profile and then liked me. Unfortunately by the time I went to look at it, he had freaked out and deleted the profiles so I couldn't say hi.

Have I mentioned I like to check people out online before I meet them? Well I do!! This meant I had found his Facebook profile years ago, so I pop onto his profile and see he is in a relationship with a lovely looking girl and send a message saying “Hey, you creeping on my OKCupid profile? ;)” A winkey smiley always helps show you are in a good mood. It turns out he was checking on me, wanting to see if I was doing OK. I think someone has been listening to Hello by Adele on repeat!

He apologised for the way things were left and hopes that I am happy. This was a first and strangely refreshing. I have never had anyone out of the blue apologise for the way things were left. I could spend months trying to track people down to do the same, but who has the energy?!? We started catching up and it came flooding back that, like me, Pete is a massive over thinker and had been thinking about last year. Well this is the time of year to dwell.

A quick check on Facebook and the detective in me realised that Pete got together with the nice girl he is currently seeing pretty much around the same time he stopped talking to me. Its nice to get closure and a reason.

Out of this I may get someone who becomes a proper friend, who will totally understand when I over think every little thing that is said to me, or maybe I just get my apology. Time will tell!!

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